TheRetroCritic

I review Dreamcatcher , one of my favourites. No, really.

I finally talk about Arrival . Or will I finally talk about Arrival? Or have I...?

20 years after Will Smith first punched an alien in the face in the original Independence Day , director Roland Emmerich brings us a belated sequel to one of the 90's biggest blockbusters. Independence Day: Resurgence brings back some familiar faces while adding some young blood to the cast as those pesky extraterrestrials come back with an updated plan to destroy the world with a giant spaceship. Having to follow such a simple concept must have made the writing not too much of a chore and, indeed, the story is one of this sequel's best elements: it's more of the same except we delve deeper into how those aliens work (a lot like bees, it turns out) plus meet a brand new entity who is both an ally and a liability. There's enough there in terms of danger and intrigue to keep even the most reluctant viewer interested throughout. Add to that a reliably good Jeff Goldblum, a dramatic character arc involving Bill Pullman's ex-President plus lots of mindless destruct

I talk about Roland Emmerich's belated sci-fi sequel Independence Day: Resurgence . Welcome to Earth... again.

One Disney film I always regretted not seeing at the cinema back when it was released in 2002 was Treasure Planet , a steampunk animated take on Robert Louis Stevenson's classic Treasure Island story with added rocket-powered surf boards, robots and aliens. The whole thing sounded like a fun, creative take on a familiar pirate story but that was apparently not good enough to drag audiences, including me, into theatres: the film was a box-office bomb losing almost $40M altogether. Perhaps it simply came out at the wrong time, only months after Studio Ghibli delivered their latest masterpiece Spirited Away and so soon after Disney's recent hit Lilo & Stitch , released that same year. Looking back, the film certainly has a lot going for it so it's a shame that it did as poorly as it did, especially since the company would then steer clear of sci-fi for a while and focus on safer, lesser material while Pixar thrived with hit after hit. Animation-wise, Treasure Plane

Back in the day, The X-Files was my late night show: I would sit and watch it secretly super late, waiting for that gross moment where Scully performs a full-on autopsy on someone, that ridiculous twist/open ending or that one snide Mulder comment I would pretend to get. Good times. Unfortunately I never got the chance to watch the show properly, from the beginning. Now, after finally catching up with the whole of Season 1, I can confirm that The X-Files still holds up well enough. This being the very first season, I'm sure there are much better things to come, and I remember much better things, but this is a solid start to an iconic monster-of-the-week, Twilight Zone -style show. In case you've never heard of The X-Files, the series follow Fox "spooky" Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson), two FBI agents in charge of investigating the weirdest cases around. Mulder believes in all sorts of weird shit from aliens to telekinesis to whatever

After ghosts and superheroes, it was soon time for M. Night Shyamalan to go down the alien route. Taking a page out of Steven Spielberg's book, this was the up-and-coming director's nod to Close Encounters Of The Third Kind : crop circles, ludicrous TV reports, paranoia, UFOs, the whole deal. Signs certainly starts off promisingly and gives you the impression that you're about to sit through a thrilling mystery chock-full of fun Twilight Zone -style twists and turns. James Newton Howard's Bernard Herrmann-esque score hinting at an entertaining roller-coaster ride of light-hearted horror sci-fi shenanigans! For the most part, Signs does deliver just that. You've got Shyamalan's usual brand of slow build-ups and schlocky jump-scares, which work really well in that genre. Joaquin Phoenix, the two kids (a very young Abigail Breslin and Rory Culkin) and most of the supporting cast seem to be having fun with their characters and the first hour or so offers some g

That Ben Stiller's latest received predominantly negative reviews both surprises me and makes perfect sense. This sci-fi version of cult comedy classic The 'Burbs tries to have its cake and eat it too. Attempting something unique while still appealing to fans of the likes of The Wedding Crashers and Tropic Thunder was always going to be a bit of a stretch. Perhaps opting for a more Spielbergian approach altogether could have been the way to go? I'm thinking Super 8 with plastic alien boobies. I should not think, like, ever again... Instead, we get a farcical genre-mesh which fails to gel entirely but which presents an all-too familiar style of comedy with fresh material. I, for one, enjoyed The Watch : you've got a solid team of goofy dudes doing what they do best... but with aliens. What's not to like? Granted, no-one is exactly playing against-type here. Hell, new recruit Richard Ayoade looks like he was lifted straight out of The IT Crowd playi

The film that started it all, Alien represents a director at the top of his game: Ridley Scott lends his classy, atmospheric, moody style to what is essentially a monster movie slasher horror flick and the result is both genuinely unnerving and unique. Not to mention friggin' great. Only very few Ridley Scott movies have that dream-like quality to them and although Alien is most definitely one of them, this is more of a nightmare than anything else. H. R. Giger's detailed, oppressive style shot so poetically creates an atmosphere that's comforting on the surface yet holds an underlying darkness and mean-spirited violent chaos at its heart. One second you're having a nice dinner with the crew, the next you've got blood spurting out of some guy's chest into your eyeballs. Yes Alien has that typical slasher template of people-being-killed-off-one-by-one-by-something-unpleasant but it's so well done you do get attached to those characters, no matter how

As I'm aware that Ridley Scott's latest sci-fi blockbuster isn't yet out in the US, I'll try to keep this review spoiler-free so the coast is clear. During my review of Scott's Robin Hood , I ranted the following: "Some directors are great at one thing in particular. Some are very versatile. Scott thinks he belongs to the latter category when really he's part of the former. Ever since his sci-fi/fantasy days (Alien, Blade Runner, Legend) he has avoided those genres like the plague focusing instead on Russell Crowe-led bore-fests like A Good Year or, indeed, Robin Hood" And here we are, several years later with Ridley Scott's sci-fi comeback which finally comes following some truly masterful marketing and several kickass, mouth-watering trailers. Big budget, big cast, big story: surely this is the comeback I was waiting for! Well, yes and no. On the one hand Prometheus is exactly what I wanted: Scott doing what h

Watching this third Alien film after a re-watch of Alien Resurrection certainly offered a contrast. Where one was somewhat reminiscent of Ridley Scott's original vision, the other felt more like a fun, if stupid, cartoon. It is quite a big leap between Alien 3 and Resurrection so lets see how the Alien Trilogy ended before it... began again. From the offset, Alien 3 stylistically pays homage to the first Alien with it's white/greenish tones and clinical feel rather than the bluey, sweaty look of Aliens . We are led to believe that this will be a back-to-basics outing with a focus more on atmosphere and subtle horror with less action but more impact. To a certain extent, this proves to be an accurate assessment: Alien 3 most definitely approaches the horror aspect of the franchise the way Scott went about it. You get several scenes where something thoroughly unpleasant is going on, whether it's gory surgery or an autopsy, and we mostly see the event through the charac

Cowboys & Aliens may still be fresh in our minds but that doesn't mean we should NOT have another movie with cowboys and aliens, right? ...right? Come on, you know those two things kick ass and you know you want it... again. That's how John Carter begins: like a moody old western complete with saloons, the cavalry, feather-wearing native Americans and Sergio Leone-style swagger. "Beans: beans is the first item..." "My name is Carter. John Carter." Cut to: MAGIC! Shazam! WHOOSH! Mars. Fair enough. I mean there's no need for Disney to screw around with horses and sarsaparilla and shit when you can just beam to Mars! So anyway, Mars looks great. It's like CGI heaven but the effects are actually awesome. Like Avatar awesome. You've got these kinda gross-looking green guys with four arms, their even grosser-looking babies, some bulldog-type fast-as-shit mutt and loads more goodies. The Mars humans, on the other hand, are

You'd think with a film called Cowboys & Aliens there'd be very little room to mess things up. I mean, how much more straight-forward can you get? Just get some cowboys, a bunch of aliens...voila! And yet Cowboys & Aliens doesn't quite get there... Now don't get me wrong: it's a decent film and I really enjoyed it. But alas it falls just short, like all the other summer blockbusters we were treated to this year, of being actually awesome. Which is pretty frustrating as, much like Super 8 and Horrible Bosses , they had the material and everything served up to them on a plate. All they had to do was not spill anything! Here's the thing, it's really quite simple: if you're going for something purely retro like an 80's Spielberg flick or a cowboy sci-fi in the style of Westworld it's your DUTY as a filmmaker to leave the CGI out of it as much as you can. Yes stop-motion monsters can look animated but so does CGI and at the very least

J.J. Abrams: clever, sometimes great writer, good filmmaker but most importantly genius promoter. The man could make you want to watch anything with a single poster or a teaser/promo. When it comes to marketing a gimmicky concept, you can't beat J.J.. Look at Lost : amazing build-up, uninspired first season. Cloverfield ? Brilliant promo, pedestrian film. Star Trek ? Huge expectations, decent-enough silly romp. There seems to be a pattern of disappointment following every great build-up and I'm sorry to say Super 8 is no exception. Some of the blame for Super 8's failure to impress could be put on Steven Spielberg who might have influenced the film positively (the kids are great and the film definitely has a lot of heart) but also doomed it to being just an E.T. B movie, nothing more. I'm not saying it's Mac & Me but still. Abrams himself should have known better. With a film like this, in which the main "attraction", in this case an alien, is

When thinking about alien movies in the 80's, what comes to mind? Besides Alien . Spielberg, right? E.T. , Close Encounters Of The Third Kind etc. For me, though, a close second is Mr John Carpenter, who quietly brought us two of the best alien movies to date around about the same time: one was The Thing , the other was Starman . Thinking about it now, the idea of Jeff Bridges as a child-like alien is pretty hilarious. And, indeed, there are silly/cheesy things about Starman, no doubt about it. And yet, it works better as a sci-fi film than either E.T. or Close Encounters...weird, huh? It is a shame that John Carpenter's sci-fi romance is often overlooked, I remember as a kid everything was all about E.T.: I didn't even like E.T.! That whole bit where he turns white and starts dying for half an hour: freaked the hell out of me! Gave me nightmares! Starman however I would just sit and watch no problem: it was funny, sweet, sad, entertaining...I just loved it. Still do!

There's no easier target for spoofs than old sci-fi B movies, especially if Ed Wood is somehow involved. With their cheesy effects, cheap costumes and sets, below par actors, ridiculous dialogs and storylines: they're great but of course they're riddled with comedy gold. It is surprising that there aren't more films like The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra out there...so lets just be happy this one exists! Where to start? From the offset, it's pretty clear that Larry Blamire's film will not take itself seriously for a second: you get the overuse of the word "science", a material called "atmospherium", aliens in silver jumpsuits, a plastic fish monster, a half-woman half-forest animals character named Animala, obvious, redundant dialogs, unmotivated dancing...and a talking, walking, sarcastic skeleton. What more could you possibly ask for? Fans of Ed Wood and old B movies will be in heaven here as the silliness escalates to a titanic battle be

Alien invasion disaster movies have always been a hit-and-miss affair. From the old Earth vs The Flying Saucers -type B movies to more recent big budget efforts like Independence Day . You'd think such a simple concept would be pretty straight-forward and easy to get right. Not so. Unfortunately Battle: LA, like so many similar films before it, fails to deliver. Instead we are given a kind of B-side cliched war flick with rubbish District 9 -style aliens thrown in. Earlier this year we had the awful Skyline in the same vein and although Battle: LA isn't qute as dire, it's still pretty poor all around. It's like the film contains all the shittest cliches and flaws which made Independence Day so cheesy but minus Jeff Goldblum, Randy Quaid and ANY sense of fun whatsoever. What's left? Not very much alas. Early on we're introduced to the film's main characters: a bunch of Marines, who are about as likeable and interesting as the plastic chair I'm c

Skyline is to movies what my dung is to gourmet cooking. I've seen some bad films this year. I mean, for the love of god I saw Furry Vengeance ! But this was BAD. Oh my days...where do I start? I think saying Skyline is derivative is understating things quite a bit: Skyline has nothing new or interesting to offer. Sure there are special effects but they're hardly impressive and it just looks like someone played Crysis on their PC and pasted some alien ships from the game in an otherwise derelict straight-to-video sci-fi turkey. Oh, and the aliens look like vaginas. I kid you not: vaginas. What is it derivative of? Cloverfield , War of the Worlds , every sci-fi film EVER MADE? What is really painful about Skyline, I must say, is the acting. Holy god the acting... Skyline has some of the worst acting I have seen in a very long time. It is shameful that these people were even paid for such horrendous performances. It made The Happening look like A Clockwork