TheRetroCritic

Yes, "Snake Is Back". But this time: it ain't New York. That Escape From New York is, to this day, still seen as a sci-fi cult classic and Escape From L.A. remains something of a joke is hardly shocking. After all, this is mostly what this sequel/remake is, right?  A joke? I mean, luckily everyone involved seems to be in on it but it's the kind of thing that audiences just wouldn't necessarily get. Evil Dead II , for example, was essentially a remake of the first film, and a parody of it to a certain extent, but right off the bat, the sequel obviously had a very different, jokey vibe, plus it was a good, really entertaining movie so it worked. Here, it feels like the movie is taking the piss of itself but it's not really clear why so it just ends up being an altogether random experience. Especially since Escape From L.A. is basically a messier retread of the original plot-wise. And I think that's what kills the flick. Don'

Hands up who wanted a prequel to The Thing ? Really? Come on! No one cares about the Norwegians? Well now you have to, for here is their story. Yes it follows almost every single key scene from the original film to the letter, but why wouldn't something this crazy happen twice in two different places just around the corner from each other? Because Hollywood knows better, that's why. So indeed we finally get to see the untold story of the Norwegians, who were the first to uncover the Thing before Kurt Russell and the gang even had a look at it. This time we get Mary Elizabeth Winstead being called into a base in Antarctica to help dig the titular whatchamacallit out of the ice. You know what happens next: Thing breaks out, people scream, paranoia sets in, it all becomes a "whoisit" (as opposed to whodunit) and it all ends in flames. That this The Thing remake isn't a disaster is almost shocking. Replacing practical effects as amazing as the ones in J

When thinking about alien movies in the 80's, what comes to mind? Besides Alien . Spielberg, right? E.T. , Close Encounters Of The Third Kind etc. For me, though, a close second is Mr John Carpenter, who quietly brought us two of the best alien movies to date around about the same time: one was The Thing , the other was Starman . Thinking about it now, the idea of Jeff Bridges as a child-like alien is pretty hilarious. And, indeed, there are silly/cheesy things about Starman, no doubt about it. And yet, it works better as a sci-fi film than either E.T. or Close Encounters...weird, huh? It is a shame that John Carpenter's sci-fi romance is often overlooked, I remember as a kid everything was all about E.T.: I didn't even like E.T.! That whole bit where he turns white and starts dying for half an hour: freaked the hell out of me! Gave me nightmares! Starman however I would just sit and watch no problem: it was funny, sweet, sad, entertaining...I just loved it. Still do!

John Carpenter makes the very best of an inherently silly idea to create one of the best movie killers ever.  A personal favourite of mine, this "typical" story of boy meets car, car kills people is a lot of fun from start to finish and is probably one of Carpenter's most underrated little gems. Keith Gordon is brilliant as the nerd-turned-rebel and his growing insanity is a delight to witness. Not to mention Robert Prosky's slimy, foul-mouthed mechanic who almost steals the show by being hilariously repulsive. As far as Stephen King film adaptations go, this is one of the good ones. Carpenter's moody score and playful direction creating a slightly tongue-in-cheek but genuinely unnerving slasher movie (without any slashing). Some scenes are just ridiculously awesome like when Christine is set alight and pursues one of the piss-taking bullies down a deserted road or when the car is smashed to pieces and it fixes itself...by itself. All in all,

  Slightly disappointing, Hell Comes to Frogtown not only had THE best title (Hell is the main character's name) but also THE best premise. The result is definitely a fun ride but there's a lot of filler and the plot never becomes quite as glorious as the title suggested. This is one of those silly cult 80's movies which could actually benefit from a (CGI free, please) remake. Unfortunately Robert Rodriguez can't do everything. But as it stands, the froggy adventures of badass stud Sam Hell are only humorous, not quite genius. Shame. Roddy Piper, fresh from John Carpenter's excellent They Live , is a great sport here as he is sent to Frogtown to impregnate pretty much any human women he can find. The whole time he is forced to wear metal briefs with a small flap to allow...access. A lot of fun but the version in your head is probably way better.