TheRetroCritic

Goldfinger , the quintessential Bond film. The one many consider to be the best of the bunch and Sean Connery's finest. It follows the terrific  From Russia With Love and sees Bond investigating a wealthy entrepreneur with a penchant for gold (and golf) who goes by the unlikely name of Goldfinger (played by Gert Frobe) and who may or may not be plotting something sinister. The man is portrayed as a bit of a lightweight early on, it's hard to imagine the guy being a real threat to the status quo, but when 007 starts messing with him effortlessly we soon start to realize that there might be more to the dude than it originally seemed as most of what Bond does backfires eventually. Bond girl number 1 suffers a gruesome DEATH BY GOLD, Bond girl number 2 just doesn't make it and the spy himself ends up fearing for his gonads for the very first time. Somehow Bond manages to stick around after that and the rest of the film basically centers around the MI6 agent hanging ar

After re-watching the mostly abysmal Never Say Never Again , I wasn't too keen on fitting in a quick watch of Diamonds Are Forever , a movie I barely remembered and didn't recall being particularly wowed by in the first place. Turns out this one is actually not too bad. The film opens like a Saturday morning cartoon with Bond making his way to Blofeld's lair and encountering a cloning mudbath which actually IS as silly as it sounds. Once the plot starts, though, Diamonds Are Forever finally starts resembling a movie and a somewhat convoluted plot involving dodgy diamond trades, diamond-powered satellites, gay serial killers, cat clones and plenty of ladies far too young for old Sean in inexplicably skimpy outfits, begins. Oh, and it turns out the safety of the entire world rests upon one cassette tape. Clearly one of Blofeld's better constructed megalomaniac plans. Two things prevent this Bond outing from being on the same level as Never Say Never Again: 1/ S

Awesome poster, right? Yeah well don't get your hopes up, people, this is Never Say Never Again , the 1983 "remake" of Thunderball directed by Irvin " Empire Strikes Back " Kershner and starring an aging Sean Connery in his last outing as 007. Being an unofficial Bond flick, get ready for some unofficial Bond assness. For starters, Sean Connery not only looks waaaay too old for the part but he is barely trying giving a near-catatonic performance throughout. He also has THE worst wardrobe spending most of his time in pyjamas, bad cream-coloured suits or bath robes. Remember David Niven in the old Casino Royale ? Frighteningly, he made a more convincing Bond in that movie than... Bond himself! Next to Connery's performance in this, Harrison Ford in Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull looked like a fresh-faced newborn. From the offset, you know you're in for something thoroughly unimpressive. The theme song is about as exciting as a lullaby and the unin

Just a little post to explain the new 007-themed banner (otherwise that's just weird!). This month on TheRetroCritic is "Bond Month" so expect plenty of Bond reviews, 007-related articles, Skyfall goodies and, depending on how the vote goes for Best & Worst Bond Films (see top-left + top-right of Home page), Bond video reviews. The films chosen by the polls as Best & Worst Bond films to date will indeed be given the video review treatment. That is all :) Have fun!

Hey, remember when James Bond was about as PC as Speedy Gonzales? Sean Connery being the John Wayne of the franchise, you can imagine how a little trip to Japan in the 1960's turned out... You Only Live Twice sees 007 fake his own death before travelling to Japan where he's hoping to find out who has been sending a mysterious Pacman -style space bullet to gobble up the US and Soviet Union's satellites, almost kick-starting a nuclear war between both countries. Kind of like the plot to Tomorrow Never Dies in a way but instead of China it's Russia, instead of a media mogul it's a cat-strokin' menace and instead of boats... it's SPACE. On location, Bond meets the usual mix of bad guys, sultry gals and sumo wrestlers. It's all a bit hit-and-miss plot wise with Bond not actually doing much besides letting himself be bathed by half-naked ladies, flying an ever so slightly absurd-looking foldable helicopter and... getting an "Oriental make-over&q

Indiana Jones faces off one final time against those dastardly nazis who, once again, are after a powerful religious artifact and ultimately world domination (of course!). This time, Indy is joined by his father (Sean Connery), Alison Doody's deadly femme fatale and his long-time bumbling pal (played by Denholm Elliott). After a rather strange trip down the Temple Of Doom , here we are back to the basics, so how does it fare? Rather "intolerably" well, to put it simply. For many, Raiders Of The Lost Ark will forever remain the best Indy movie but for me, just the fact that we've got Sean Connery along for the ride rather than Karen Allen's damsel in distress makes it the better film. It just feels bigger, slicker and overall more entertaining than any other Indy movie. The film itself plays out like The Da Vinci Code (but GOOD) crossed with Raiders and although there's a lot of familiar things here from past Indy films it still feels as fresh and origi

John Boorman's mad-fest Zardoz is given the Top Ten treatment...