TheRetroCritic

Some movies are basically pointless but they're so much fun it hardly matters. Pure popcorn entertainment all the way. Gangster Squad is one of those movies. Which is not to say it's not well made or interesting, it is, but it's not the kind of film that really will have an emotional impact on you or leave you thinking about it long after the credits have rolled. No, Gangster Squad is a playful homage to film noir and is all about being as cool, silly and entertaining as possible. It would make a good double-feature with Dick Tracy , to give you an idea. Hell, Sean Penn's Mickey Cohen is basically a Dick Tracy villain! His cartoonish performance is completely over the top but completely enjoyable. It just makes sense in Gangster Squad, it fits. You've got Josh Brolin playing it straight as the detective/family man who takes on the mob and is asked to gather a "squad" of misfit cops, Ryan Gosling is the mouthy, chain-smoking kid who has an affair with

Happy Hobbit Day!  

Goldfinger , the quintessential Bond film. The one many consider to be the best of the bunch and Sean Connery's finest. It follows the terrific  From Russia With Love and sees Bond investigating a wealthy entrepreneur with a penchant for gold (and golf) who goes by the unlikely name of Goldfinger (played by Gert Frobe) and who may or may not be plotting something sinister. The man is portrayed as a bit of a lightweight early on, it's hard to imagine the guy being a real threat to the status quo, but when 007 starts messing with him effortlessly we soon start to realize that there might be more to the dude than it originally seemed as most of what Bond does backfires eventually. Bond girl number 1 suffers a gruesome DEATH BY GOLD, Bond girl number 2 just doesn't make it and the spy himself ends up fearing for his gonads for the very first time. Somehow Bond manages to stick around after that and the rest of the film basically centers around the MI6 agent hanging ar

After re-watching the mostly abysmal Never Say Never Again , I wasn't too keen on fitting in a quick watch of Diamonds Are Forever , a movie I barely remembered and didn't recall being particularly wowed by in the first place. Turns out this one is actually not too bad. The film opens like a Saturday morning cartoon with Bond making his way to Blofeld's lair and encountering a cloning mudbath which actually IS as silly as it sounds. Once the plot starts, though, Diamonds Are Forever finally starts resembling a movie and a somewhat convoluted plot involving dodgy diamond trades, diamond-powered satellites, gay serial killers, cat clones and plenty of ladies far too young for old Sean in inexplicably skimpy outfits, begins. Oh, and it turns out the safety of the entire world rests upon one cassette tape. Clearly one of Blofeld's better constructed megalomaniac plans. Two things prevent this Bond outing from being on the same level as Never Say Never Again: 1/ S

Awesome poster, right? Yeah well don't get your hopes up, people, this is Never Say Never Again , the 1983 "remake" of Thunderball directed by Irvin " Empire Strikes Back " Kershner and starring an aging Sean Connery in his last outing as 007. Being an unofficial Bond flick, get ready for some unofficial Bond assness. For starters, Sean Connery not only looks waaaay too old for the part but he is barely trying giving a near-catatonic performance throughout. He also has THE worst wardrobe spending most of his time in pyjamas, bad cream-coloured suits or bath robes. Remember David Niven in the old Casino Royale ? Frighteningly, he made a more convincing Bond in that movie than... Bond himself! Next to Connery's performance in this, Harrison Ford in Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull looked like a fresh-faced newborn. From the offset, you know you're in for something thoroughly unimpressive. The theme song is about as exciting as a lullaby and the unin

Just a little post to explain the new 007-themed banner (otherwise that's just weird!). This month on TheRetroCritic is "Bond Month" so expect plenty of Bond reviews, 007-related articles, Skyfall goodies and, depending on how the vote goes for Best & Worst Bond Films (see top-left + top-right of Home page), Bond video reviews. The films chosen by the polls as Best & Worst Bond films to date will indeed be given the video review treatment. That is all :) Have fun!

It's 1995, the hairy scientist out of The Lawnmower Man is James Bond, Tina Turner is still kicking ass and the world still believes in Alan Cumming's value as a hilarious comedian. 1995 lol Yes Pierce Brosnan is 007 in GoldenEye , the film responsible for N64's most popular game title and, by extension, Perfect Dark (N64's not most popular but actually better game title). Very quickly, it's easy to why the studios wanted to cast the actor since The Living Daylights . Brosnan is a good all-rounder with a certain Connery-style charisma paired with corny puns and one-liners Roger Moore would kill for. On top of that, this is the most convincing action-hero Bond we've seen so far with past incarnations usually settling for skiing in front of blue screens or letting stuntmen shot from really really far away do the job. No, Brosnan is our Tom Cruise 007. It's the 90's, bro! Totally radical to the max and shit! GoldenEye starts with 007 and 006 (S

Hey, remember when James Bond was about as PC as Speedy Gonzales? Sean Connery being the John Wayne of the franchise, you can imagine how a little trip to Japan in the 1960's turned out... You Only Live Twice sees 007 fake his own death before travelling to Japan where he's hoping to find out who has been sending a mysterious Pacman -style space bullet to gobble up the US and Soviet Union's satellites, almost kick-starting a nuclear war between both countries. Kind of like the plot to Tomorrow Never Dies in a way but instead of China it's Russia, instead of a media mogul it's a cat-strokin' menace and instead of boats... it's SPACE. On location, Bond meets the usual mix of bad guys, sultry gals and sumo wrestlers. It's all a bit hit-and-miss plot wise with Bond not actually doing much besides letting himself be bathed by half-naked ladies, flying an ever so slightly absurd-looking foldable helicopter and... getting an "Oriental make-over&q

How I missed a film like The Game all these years is beyond me. Ok, I'll admit I rarely flock to Michael Douglas movies but this is one of the good ones. Douglas plays a cold, wealthy financier whose brother's (Sean Penn) birthday present turns out to be one hell of a mind-f***. What follows is a thrilling descent into madness and although the ending doesn't exactly live up to the incredible build-up preceding it, it's all about the ride and David Fincher proves just how brilliant he is at keeping his viewers on the edge of their seat right up until the very last shot. This is a film which does remarkably well when it comes to keeping the viewer guessing throughout whilst always being one step ahead. By the end, Michael Douglas may be understandably emotionally devastated but we're left still expecting one more trick up the movie's sleeve. Like a final mega-twist or something. This doesn't really happen but like I said: it's all about the ride. And

Indiana Jones faces off one final time against those dastardly nazis who, once again, are after a powerful religious artifact and ultimately world domination (of course!). This time, Indy is joined by his father (Sean Connery), Alison Doody's deadly femme fatale and his long-time bumbling pal (played by Denholm Elliott). After a rather strange trip down the Temple Of Doom , here we are back to the basics, so how does it fare? Rather "intolerably" well, to put it simply. For many, Raiders Of The Lost Ark will forever remain the best Indy movie but for me, just the fact that we've got Sean Connery along for the ride rather than Karen Allen's damsel in distress makes it the better film. It just feels bigger, slicker and overall more entertaining than any other Indy movie. The film itself plays out like The Da Vinci Code (but GOOD) crossed with Raiders and although there's a lot of familiar things here from past Indy films it still feels as fresh and origi

John Boorman's mad-fest Zardoz is given the Top Ten treatment...