TheRetroCritic

As Die Hard fans all over the world, me including, hang their heads in shame, it appears they've finally done it. They have finally run this franchise into the ground. So much so that I now see Die Hard 4.0 as the last GOOD Die Hard flick and I was no fan of that one, frankly... First up: the plot. Nonsense. You've got John McClane going all the way to Russia to try and help his son not get locked up for a bunch of crimes it turns out he only committed as part of a secret CIA mission set in motion to try and recover some file from some bearded dude, along the way McClane and son meet a carrot-eating, tapdancing villain and go to Tchernobyl. Like, what? That's the story they went with? Jeesh, I wonder what other plots they must have passed on before settling on this trainwreck. To give you an idea, the film opens and it looks and feels nothing like a Die Hard film: no charm, no wit, no brains, no creativity, no suspense, no hook, no concept. If anything, it fe

You'd think a Die Hard film in which John McClane rides a plane, flies a car into a helicopter and runs Maggie Q over into an elevator shaft would be pretty darn classic. Well, somehow Die Hard 4.0 (or Live Free Or Die Hard ) found a way to not make that into the best THING that 2007 had to offer. This sequel sees Bruce Willis' NYPD cop (now detective) being assigned the task of picking up some computer hacker, played by a grating Justin Long, and bringing him to the FBI for questioning. As it turns out, the kid was used as a pawn by a terrorist organisation (run by Timothy Olyphant) to set-up a "firesale", basically a cyber attack resulting in financial meltdown. McClane and Matt (Long) are soon under fire and instead of sticking with the FBI they decide to take on Gabriel (Olyphant) themselves, which doesn't really seem like the most reasonable solution but hey. There'd be no movie otherwise. But this is partly why 4.0 doesn't really cu

Die Hard . How do you beat that movie in terms of action and sheer gripping suspense? I'll tell ya. With a vengeance, that's how. Don't get me wrong, I love Die Hard and it is a classic but when it comes down to it, it's pretty claustrophobic taking place mostly in that skyscraper and all. For me, Die Hard: With A Vengeance is just that little bit more glorious in that the entire city is at stake this time, you've got a villain which would give even the likes of Batman chest pains and it all takes off instantly. You thought Die Hard 2 lacked a certain je-ne-sais-quoi? Well here it is. That's another point: With A Vengeance continues the franchise without feeling like a retread, which Die Hard 2 was a bit, to a certain extent. This time around, John McClane's not exactly at the top of his game. He's been suspended from the police force, his marriage has gone down the drain once again and he's got a bad hangover. So when a new villain on

Christmas movies don't come any tougher than this. Bruce Willis is officer John McClane, an NYPD cop heading for the intimidating Nakatomi building where his wife (played by Bonnie Bedelia) works to try and patch things up marriage-wise. All goes according to plan until a group of bad guys led by Alan Rickman's cocky mastermind Hans Gruber waltz in and take over the skyscraper. McClane soon becomes the hostages' only hope as he tries to foil the big-time robbers' plans from within. What follows is an exciting and nail-biting one-man stealth sabotage mission complete with explosions, shoot-outs, punches and broken glass. It's weird watching the original Die Hard after the likes of Live Free Or Die Hard because the first film really is in a different league, a different genre even. The first film wasn't about John McClane being this superman who can outrun planes and stop by Kevin Smith's house for shits and giggles: it's actually much grittier

With Die Hard maestro John McTiernan not onboard for this sequel, it could have all gone wrong and our beloved McClane could have been left carrying a mediocre retread over his shoulders leaving the franchise to slowly go downhill after that. Thankfully, what we got was a retread, for sure, but a decent one with enough action and enough lols to carry us through to the next, superior, round. Arguably the least memorable of all Die Hard flicks, this sequel is commonly known as "the airport one" and, indeed, there's not much more to it. Once again it's Christmas and once again John McClane is stuck in one place trying to stop terrorists from pulling off some elaborate plan which just happens to involve his wife, kind of. This would all be much too familiar and dull if it weren't for the likes of Bruce Willis himself, who still does a top job as the iconic put-upon cop, a brilliantly creepy bunch of villains (including a chilling William Sadler) and some kicka

You'd think that, by now, Roland Emmerich's gimmicky blockbuster formula would have imploded in on itself and culminated in an undeniable stinker. (post Godzilla , that is) And yet miraculously,  White House Down , while just as dumb and ridiculous as its predecessors, still worked as a popcorn movie. Taking that one iconic scene from Independence Day and inexplicably spinning it off into its very own movie, Emmerich delivers yet another fun, mindless mess complete with vomit-inducing patriotism, big explosions and a bag-full of one dimensional characters and obvious stereotypes. Working with what seems like a much lower budget than 2012 , White House Down focuses its attention on a siege taking place in the White House without going around the world and showing monuments and the French blow-up randomly, as those types of films usually do. Our lead is Channing Tatum, a cop who can talk to squirrels and who aspires to work for the President (Jamie Foxx) as part of the U.

Another day, another great loss as actor Alan Rickman passes away unexpectedly leaving a big gap at the heart of cinema. And so I give you my Top 10 Alan Rickman Film Performances  with the promise to myself to make sure I watch all those Rickman films I may have missed as I'm sure I'm missing out on some great performances because, after all, that's what the man always delivered. 10 ALICE IN WONDERLAND While not everyone loved Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland , we can all agree that casting Alan Rickman as The Caterpillar was spot-on: that unique voice of his fitting the character perfectly. So there's one reason to actually give that movie a chance! 9 GAMBIT Easily the best thing about this old-fashioned farce was Alan Rickman who effortlessly stole every single scene he was in playing Colin Firth's nudist, art collecting boss. Whether acting rude or imitating Cameron Diaz's Southern twang, Rickman's having a great time in G

One of those big 90's flops which rarely gets talked about is Bruce Willis-starring action comedy Hudson Hawk , a film which not only lost a bomb at the box-office upon its release but pretty much universally confounded audiences. Misunderstood cult classic or deserved failure? The answer, funnily enough, seems to be both! Yes Hudson Hawk is indeed something of a cult gem in that there aren't many other films quite like it and its rather unique approach remains fascinating to this day. It's one of those oddities like The Adventures Of Pluto Nash or that Rocky and Bullwinkle movie where you "get" what they're trying to do and appreciate some of what they're trying to do yet still acknowledge it doesn't work. These are action comedies with cartoonish, old-fashioned vibes and they are admittedly fun in parts but these are also quite niche meaning that spending bazillions of dollars on them was and is folly. It doesn't help that Hudson

Also known as Jet , Ground Control was a 1998 Kiefer Sutherland flick about a disgraced ex-air traffic controller called back in to help manage a particularly difficult situation. The film sounded like it could offer some cheap Airport 1975 or Die Hard 2 -style entertainment. Man did it not do that, like, at all. As it turns out, the entire film was made to show how difficult air traffic controllers' jobs are, having to monitor several aircrafts on several different paths just by looking at abstract Atari-style monitors. It's a fair enough endeavour but this was also meant to be a film and in terms of drama and excitement, Ground Control is about as fun as a night spent sleeping on one of those uncomfortable airport seats. If you close your eyes and listen to Kiefer Sutherland's voice speaking over the score, you could fool yourself into believing you were watching the worst season of 24 ever made but even that would have been miles better than what the film offer

Shortly before Gene Wilder turned a French film into The Woman In Red , we got The Toy , a remake of Francis Veber's Le Jouet starring Richard Pryor in the role originally played by Pierre Richard. It did well at the box-office despite critics not exactly praising it. One of the many Francis Veber comedies to be adapted into Hollywood films, The Toy should have been a breeze with its simple concept leaving little room for messing up and the reliable Pryor doing his thing. For the most part, this remake is pretty faithful to the original film as a rich, spoiled kid (played by Scott Schwartz) basically buys a grown man as a toy just to annoy his distant father only to find that a friendship develops between he and his purchase. The key scenes from the French film are recreated here from Pierre Richard's slapstick shenanigans to the kid's creation of a newspaper exposing his father's cold approach to everyone. As hard as he tries to make the film fun, Richard Pryor f

A couple of years ago, man of a thousand voices Seth MacFarlane brought his brand of humour to Western comedy A Million Ways To Die In West , a feature he directs, co-writes and stars in (not as a bear, this time). The film didn't exactly wow critics and it basically flew by, somehow making a profit on the way despite less-than-flattering reviews. The film itself goes for an old-fashioned look but a defiantly anachronistic and modern take on the subgenre with characters speaking like people would today and the odd pop culture reference. It's not a completely new idea and it's something that works much better in a cartoon than it does in a live-action film but it can definitely work. Mel Brooks always could make that kind of thing funny. Unfortunately, here, it's like the film is trying much too hard to make that a hilarious aspect of the movie when it's, in fact, one of its weakest ideas. The concept that people in the Old West could die of pretty much anythi

It's no secret that sequels very rarely live up to the original. Occasionally, a sequel is actually so bad it can even single-handedly destroy all that was good about the first film, and what better example than Highlander 2? Never a big fan of Highlander myself, I never really understood what the big deal was with the first film and why people were such big fans of it when it came out. That said, in retrospect it's easy to understand its charm: the originality of the premise and the creation of this entire mythology from scratch is a welcome departure from the countless monster/vampire movies which came out at the time. Sure the whole thing was always silly, overblown and inherently flawed but people didn't care, they just wanted to see a bad French actor kick ass with a sword, pretending to be Scottish the entire time, heads being chopped off, references to Queen and lots of electricity. LOTS of electricity. I get that. A sequel can either build on an original concep

Following the runaway success of both Jaws and Close Encounters Of The Third Kind , Steven Spielberg directed war-themed comedy 1941 back in 1979 and, although it wasn't technically a box-office bomb, it wasn't exactly a hit and it's only years later that it gained a cult following. The film is very loosely based on a mix of real yet mostly disconnected events as it explores the growing paranoia post-Pearl Harbor with US citizens fearing that Japan would attempt another attack and dealing with it in various ways. As an enemy submarine slowly tries to make its way to Los Angeles with the unlikely goal of destroying Hollywood, chaos builds in the city and we follow a variety of characters, each of them doing their own thing, with everything culminating in a cartoonish battle around Santa Monica pier. This is very much an ensemble piece in the vein of Dr Strangelove or American Graffiti with some characters having a very clear goal and others just kind of wandering i

Before Guy Ritchie's original Sherlock Holmes came out I was as sceptical as can be. It looked absurd and I just couldn't understand how anyone could picture Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's character in this way. Holmes and Watson physically kicking butt like a couple of badasses? I didn't get it. Then I saw the film and, against my own will, enjoyed it enormously. Sure it was ridiculous and very silly throughout... but in a good way! Clearly Ritchie and the gang were having a ball making their own balls-to-the-wall macho version of the iconic sluth and it showed. No doubt die hard fans of Sherlock around the world were facepalming their way through it but it's hard to deny how trashily entertaining it was. Besides, the Jude Law/Robert Downey Jr. team-up worked perfectly and the relationship between these guys saved the movie from being just a clusterfuck of kicks, punches, oofs! and arghs!. Now here comes the sequel: same director, same cast (with fresh additions)

After the box-office hit that was Lethal Weapon , Richard Donner came back to direct this sequel which, of course, once again starred Mel Gibson and Danny Glover as mismatched buddy cops Riggs and Murtaugh. This time, the duo face off against a group of South African drug dealers seemingly untouchable due to their diplomatic immunity claims. The film is much lighter than the original in tone at first with a focus on car chases and our main guys interacting like an old married couple, as ever. There's much less of a spotlight on Riggs' suicidal tendencies this time but his late wife's murder eventually comes into play later on in the film, leading us to a surprisingly dark but rewarding denouement. Murtaugh has a lot to deal with in this movie in that pretty much everything that happens to him sees him become the laughing stock of the force: whether it's his daughter starring in a condom commercial or sitting on a toilet bomb. Riggs is given a new love interest in P

With the last Spider-Man reboot still fresh in our minds, Marvel and Sony's new collaboration needed to break the mould and try a different approach to keep everyone interested. Tom Holland's new incarnation of the iconic web-slinger being one of the most popular aspects of  Captain America: Civil War , this one looked like a promising re-imagining. Wisely bypassing the familiar origin story to give us a brand new take on things, Spider-Man: Homecoming is arguably the least faithful adaptation of the Spider-Man comics out there and yet what it introduces is so cleverly weaved into the new Marvel Universe that it would take a rather stern purist to crucify it for the liberties it takes. Set soon after the events of Civil War, the film first introduces us to Michael Keaton's villain Adrian Toomes who was part of the clean-up crew post-Avengers until Tony Stark made his job obsolete. Toomes vows to come up with a new way to cash-in on the alien technology left behind and

I'll come right out and say it: I didn't really grow up with The Muppets. Oh sure I saw the odd show and the odd movie, A Muppets Christmas Carol is almost unavoidable every December, but I was never much of a fan. I mostly watched The Muppet Show for the guest stars but going into this Jason Segel homage I was nonetheless familiar with all the characters and was looking forward to seeing those furry bastards again. And with all the praise this new outing has been getting I must say I was left somewhat underwhelmed and overall disappointed. Now, I like Jason Segel as much as the next guy: his "Dracula Puppet Musical" at the heart of Forgetting Sarah Marshall made the film and he's a lot of fun in most films he's in but this just isn't a very good Muppets movie. Don't get me wrong: it's cute, heartfelt and decent in parts but everything that doesn't take place during the reborn Muppet Show itself mostly falls flat and feels a tad awkwar

Who knew that 20 years and one sub-par prequel later, Dumb And Dumber would actually receive its long talked-about sequel starring one-off hit comedy duo Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels? Suck me sideways... Somehow, the Farrelly Brothers made it happen and this year we were treated to more dumb in the cartoonishly-titled Dumb And Dumber To . The film was a box-office hit in the U.S. and has been doing surprisingly well all over but was it truly worth the wait? Is Harry and Lloyd's comeback a glorious one or an Icelandic Snow Owl-style catastrophe? Being a die hard Dumb And Dumber fan since childhood myself, the bar was raised pretty high in terms of expectations but, admittedly, the idea of seeing a sequel with these guys alone was enough of a treat that I could forgive a heck of a lot. And so I did of a sequel boasting some great jokes and energetic, ridiculously fun performances from the two leads but also an unfocused, uneven script, a lazy storyline and a whole string of

One of the 90's big ideas, among others, was to adapt animated shows into live-action feature films. From The Flintstone s to Inspector Gadget , it didn't matter how obscure or unadaptable the source material was as long as an attempt was made to cash-in on its name somehow. Leslie Nielsen was therefore cast as Mr. Magoo , the old man with poor eyesight who very nearly misses fatal accidents thanks to pure luck. Nielsen, while not really looking much like the character, was a solid choice since, even in the worst movies, he can usually get a laugh. The film opens appropriately by showing you a short Magoo cartoon but as soon as the live-action part starts, you'll be wishing the cartoon had kept playing. This should have been an easy project: give Leslie Nielsen some funny lines, follow him as he goes around causing mayhem all around him. And yet, right off the bat, it's impossible to hear Nielsen's incessant ramblings due to an annoying over-the-top score under

After popping up in The Wolf Of Wall Street and just before ruling the HBO airwaves with hypnotic new show True Detective , Matthew McConaughey appeared in the Oscar-nominated Dallas Buyers Club and, once again, knocked it out of the park. The film follows a Texan rodeo cowboy/electrician, Ron Woodroof (McConaughey), as he is diagnosed with AIDS and has to deal with the reality set by his doctor that he might only have 30 days to live. The film is set at a time when new experimental medication was being introduced to treat the disease by the FDA but there were doubts about the best approach to take. Woodroof is a dude that's hard to warm up to seeing as he's pretty homophobic and at times even racist. That said, the movie manages to still make you like the guy as he slowly educates himself about the disease and eventually becomes friends with Jared Leto's transgender woman Rayon, who is also HIV-positive. The change in Woodroof's character is one you'd expect